Being a twin mom has been one of the most rewarding, confusing, frustratuing, satisfying, crazy and wild experiences of my life. I never expected to be a mother of multiples. Yes, I do remember growing up and joking that I would like to have twins and knock them out in one shot, but I never thought it would actually happen. So I never gave any thought to actually having them in all honesty. My dad was a twin so I always thought it was cool as I looked up to my dad so much.

The last 32 months have been like a strange roller coaster ride. At times I will admit I wanted off. I have carried much guilt over what I have recently read another multiple mom calling "one baby envy." Many times wondered what life would have been like with just one baby. Not that I would want to give up either of my children for one minute! I just wonder how different the boys would be had I had them one at at time instead of them sharing a birth date.

What is it like to just run in real quickly to the store or anywhere for that matter? There is no quickly when you are talking about getting two babies/toddlers out of their car seats and into a stroller just for a five minute trip into a place. Oh this just doesn't work. They won't go for it. The stay must be at least 15 to 30 minutes or it just isn't worth it. They don't like getting in and out of the car and more than I like getting them in and out. And yes, it did get somewhat easier when they could walk on their own but now I am faced with the challenge of they want to go and explore and while you can contain one toddler who is ready to do this, two or more at the same time is next to impossible unless they are confined...in the stroller (or unless you are a teacher...they have some magical power over kids). And lately even that isn't cutting it.

I wonder what it would be like to be able to actually see my children when I take them to a store. You know, to let them ride around in the cart and face me and we talk and chat about all the pretty things they see but can't have. I have got to experience this a few times and it was so strange for me. Very enjoyable and yet still such a strange and foreign feeling.

Now don't get me wrong here. I am not saying that as a parent of a singleton child your experience is any better/worse than mine. I am just simply stating what I am feeling, which I am learning is not all that uncommon. I am also learning how hard it is for parents of multiples to relate to parents of single children. And yes, I hear "my children are only [insert number of months here] months apart so I may as well have had twins too" more times than I care to share. The truth is, it isn't the same. You had one that was a little more self sufficient when you had the second. Again, I am not saying that it was any easier than what I am experiencing I am just stating that no, it isn't the same. Just like I have no idea what it is like to have to deal with a sibling coming along and the dynamic that takes on. I doubt my children will ever have another sibling.

One of the other things that has been a big guilt button for me is travel. I would so love to just pick up and take the boys places. To see friends and family and new places whenever we want. But the sad truth of it is as a parent of young multiples you survive on routine. You can't live without it. Some people think you are crazy that you "protect" your children's nap and bed time the way you do. At times I feel like I have no choice. Whenever we deviate from this valued routine we pay for it...dearly. Even now, the boys are 32 months and our schedule keeps changing and changing. I am about to lose my mind because they are acting all crazy and I don't know what to do with them. But when I sit back, I realize if I just find a new groove, a new routine for us to fall into they will be back to their happy little selves.

Oh, and let's talk about taking turns watching someone else's child so you can get a little break. What mother of a single child wants to watch your twins so you can get a break? I hear my friends talk all the time about swapping child care. Um, not going to happen. Yes, I have seen it actually happen among fellow multiple moms, but I will admit I don't know if I could handle my own twins plus someone else's if I am honest about it so I have never ventured there.

This has been on my mind a lot lately actually as the boys are getting older and making friends. They are so different from each other I know it will not be long before they actually have their own friends. No more mommy putting you together with some kiddos and calling them your friends. You picked them out and now mommy has to deal with them. Um, I am so not ready for this. Especially since one is so much more outgoing than the other. I know I will figure it all out eventually but the thought strikes fear into me these days. How do I explain to one that he can't go and play at so-in-so's house because only his brother was invited? They are the same age, in the same class, I can't use the "your brother is older than you so he has different friends" like my parents used on me.

Being a perfectionist is tough

I've come to realize I like everything to be as close to perfect as I can get it. Yes, I am a perfectionist. I am not thrilled about this either. Not too long ago I read some words that have stayed with me. I can't seem to get them out of my head. As a perfectionist you can sometimes put off doing things because you don't feel you can give it 110% of yourself. You know you can't do it the way you want it to be done. Oh my how those are such true words for me. I hate that about myself. I hate admitting that about myself.

I have let things in my home go because I know I don't have the time to do them the way I truly want them done. Not good. So now I am going to challenge myself to do a little at a time. It doesn't have to be perfect. I can work on something for 15 minutes and it really doesn't matter if I finish it or not. If it is exactly how I wanted it to come out. Is this going to be easy for me to do? No. I admit that. I accept that. But I WILL do it. I have to do it. Things are taking over my house and I want it back. So time to get rid of it.

After I became a mom 2.5 years ago I learned how to let some things go. I learned that it didn't matter if my house was spotless because I would much rather spend time with my kiddos. But I really hate being a pack rat. I hate clutter. It is driving me nuts. But I just can't seem to get ahead. I can't seem to get myself motivated enough because I know I won't be able to "finish" the job in a day or two. I truly hate this about myself and would love to change it. It also doesn't help that my hubby doesn't really get rid of anything either. He even keeps like every reciept he gets (sorry M!).

When it was just me I could deal with it all. I could go through things easily and deal. But when it became two people to do this for I kind of never learned to deal. I didn't want to upset him or infringe on his privacy. Then it became four and I have totally lost it. I feel like I am drowning half the time. I can't stand it. Must do something about it!

Okay, so I have been a TERRIBLE blogger this year so far. Just so much to keep us busy throughout the day. But will attempt to get better at updating again. I seem to go through these funny phases. Since the boys stopped napping last Fall it's kind of tough to fit it all in for the day and by the end of the day I am mentally worn out.

Today would have been my dad's 74th birthday. So hard for me to believe he has been gone almost 8 years already.

The blinking light

The little red blinking light on my phone. It can be very addictive. Instant gratification. I send an email and get one back within minutes at times. No more having to sit on the computer for an hour each night just checking emails. But you know what I love the most about being able to check my email throughout the day like this? Not having to deal with as much junk email at the end of the day. I can sit down and do what I need to do and save some time. It has really cut down on the amount of time I get on the computer. I used to make sure I got on each night just so I could check email. Ahh, the technology age!

We had some beautiful weather today! It was wonderful to be able to get outside and enjoy the sunshine. I had forgotten how muddy our backyard was when I made the decision to go play in the backyard. What does Little Bit do immediately? Play in the mud. It was funny. They had a good time and we got our bath out of the way before dinner. I have fond memories of playing in the mud as a kid. I hope they will too! Who knows...maybe I'll even play along with them.

I want

We are hearing this A LOT these days. I even made the comment the other day that Christmas this year is going to be interesting. Last year all they asked Santa for was a train. This year I think they will both be talking his ear off with their lists! They kind of crack me up with it. They will sit and look at the Thomas or Cars book and say they want this or that and then comment on the ones they already have.

It's pretty cute actually. But it does make me start to wonder. Am I spoiling them too much? This has been on my mind a lot these last few days. Little Bit had been talking for several days about an orange race car. We had no idea what he was talking about but he kept saying he wanted it. Finally on sunday (while he was sick mond you), the light went off for me. He had seen it the other day when we were at the store and now that we have all the main characters of the Cars movie he has branched out to the lesser known ones. So because Hurricane was so wonderful while we dealt with sick Little Bit and I needed to go to the store anyway I decided they both deserved a car. So off I went.

I got home and gave them the car and they were excited as can be. Not 3 hours later Little Bit exclaims, "I want the white race car now. " Um, what happened to my child who was perfectly content when he got a new toy? I couldn't believe this. It just kind of smacked me upside the head.

So I have come to the conclusion they are now old enough that I can start making them "earn" so to speak their new toys. So today when they get home we will be creating a stick chart (well, I'll be creating it shortly, we will discuss it when they come home). So every day they pick up their toys when they are supposed to and don't fight me on getting dressed (this has become really not fun in the mornings), they will get a sticker. I just haven't determined how many stickers they have to get before they get a reward. And I will not always make it a toy I have decided. Some days it may be ice cream or something fun to do. Hopefully I am on the right track in teaching them about not always just being handed something. I don't want them to just expect things but to understand that you do have to earn things in life.

I know I am a pushover on some things because of my own upbringing. But I do have to be realistic here. I can't just give them every single thing they want. Can you tell I am trying to justify this in my own head? It's just now that they can actually really communicate to us it has been a whole different world. One I am not familiar with yet. And once again I am constantly questioning whether or not I am doing this "right." Ugh, they really should come with manuals!

So I leave you with this cute picture of Little Bit building towers. See, they really do play with something other than just trains and cars. :)

Stomach woes

Wow, it's March already. Can't believe it! Poor Little Bit was sick on Sunday. I thought we had avoided the dreaded stomach bug around here but I was once again proven wrong. I felt so bad for him. He would want to eat or drink but then a little while later it came right back up again. Poor little guy! So needless to say I have not downloaded photos from my camera in several days. Actually since the last time I posted. Must do that tomorrow.

This is how I found Little Bit tonight when I went in to turn off his light.


I had to laugh. He cracks me up. I'll give it to him though, he listened and didn't come out of his room. I guess it's been nearly a month now they have been in toddler beds and for the most part they are doing okay. They have tested the waters though...especially this last week. So looking forward to Spring and Summer when they will just be plain worn out at the end of the day!

So why is it that the cable/phone companies can just screw you over once your "package rate" has expired? I call this morning beacuse our rate has gone up almost $100 in just 6 months. Crazy. The first guy I spoke with told me there was nothing he could do. So I called back a little later after talking to hubby to cancel some things on our service. The girl I spoke with was most accommodating and actually did something about it. Go figure. So we got our rate lowered, same services we have now plus additional ones. Now can you tell me why that is?

Aimless rambling

And the days just keep ticking away. Still hard for me to believe we have less than a week left in February already. Where does all that time go?

So far not so impressed with the paper photo a day thing. Just much more difficult time wise for me in a lot of ways. Online I can do a bunch at once and typing just comes so much easier and faster than handwriting. Plus I can write more about some days if I want and not so limited to space. But that's okay, it was something I wanted to try so it's all good.

The snow is melting. Yuck. If it is going to be cold then I want it to snow. If it isn't going to snow then I am ready for Spring. I think everyone is ready for Spring. I know my boys are!

This is what we seem to be doing most of the time these days...

Neighbors

I have the best neighbors! One of them came and blew the snow from the sidewalk while my hubby was gone yesterday. I really appreciated not having to get out there and leave the boys inside alone. If it hadn't snowed nearly a foot I would have left it but the drive needed to be done for us to get out. I just didn't have time to do the sidewalks and really didn't totally finished the driveway. But I really have the most awesome neighbors ever!!!!! We were so fortunate to get the house we did right in the middle of such great people!

So I don't think I'll be posting from my phone often. Obviously I am not doing something right because it always ends up in several different posts. Strange.

I was looking through some old layouts I had done and came across one I don't even remember doing. Seriously. I don't even remember when I did it much less remember doing it. Very strange because I don't think I have ever forgotten doing a layout before. I guess I'm getting old. I don't know if I intended to go back and do something else to it or what but when I looked at it tonight I was happy with the way it turned out just as it is. You can see for yourself.

We had a really good day today. We met a gal in our neighborhood who also has a 3 year old and stayed at their house half the day! I felt bad for staying so long but every time I said we were going to go she said the kids were playing so well together so we stayed. It was a snowy, snowy day, what else is there to do? The boys had a ball and were totally exhausted tonight. So is mommy!

Must get back in the habit of blogging. Been so busy working on getting rid of stuff and keeping up with the house that I have not blogged in ages! I seem to go through those phases. Will get back into the swing of things I am sure. :)

Do all kids wake up at 5:30 in the morning when they have the freedom of being in a toddler bed? Oh my. I am praying this is not the norm from now on and just an adjustment period. I am seriously NOT a morning person.

It's a scrappy day

Okay, so not exactly sure what in the world happened to my last post. Will have to attempt to go and fix it. For some reason I just noticed it came out in like 6 different posts. Very strange. I guess I still haven't gotten the hang of posting via my phone yet!

So while I was away at my scrappy weekend a few weekends ago, I actually completed a page. I did a lot of other stuff too but this is just a random page because I liked the template. :)

Credits: Paper are from BDay by Michelle Coleman, Template is by Jessica Sprague, and fonts are 3rd Man, Crosby Hand, Conrad Veidt, and 28 Days Later Regular

It felt good just to scrap. I did manage to get my 2008 book finished and ready to upload to Shutterfly. I have actually received it back this past week. Was so very excited. Now I just need to get their baby books finished! I also started working on my calendar for 2011 because I am determined not to wait until December this year to attempt to get it all done. Just too much work to cram in at that time of year. So it (digital) and my Project 365 (paper) are all set up and ready to go.

And speaking of Project 365. I actually sat down and put the photos in for January and started the journaling. This feel so strange to do after having done it via blog for the last year. Must try to find a new system for that so I don't forget stuff. And I can't write as much as I could on my blog. Well, I guess I can but it would have to be tucked away in one of the pockets. I'll figure out a good system by December I am sure!

Well, I finally had to take the time to figure out how to post by my phone. It seems that may be the only way I will be able to post these days. Been busy, busy around here. Attempting to get rid of a lot of old stuff so spending all my "free" time working on that.

Poor Hurricane woke up in the middle of the night last night with croup. So we bundled up and went out in the drizzly, cold night at 2am. I have to say this really does work well. Little Bit gets croup a lot. I really wish he would get a regular cold because man he is not fun on steroids. But Hurricane seems to be doing well this morning and has even requested going to Wally World. Hmm...

So hopefully now that I have gone mobile I'll be able to get back to posting more often. Been missing it! Hope everyone is well. Can you believe it is February already? Got anything fun planned for Valentine's Day? What do you do for 3 year olds?

Testing yet again.

Testing

How did I pick the names?

Why I picked those names. N was easy, I always have called him "Little Bit." C was a little harder but one of the nicknames I have called him since he was born was "Hurricane." He had this swirl on the very top of his head, right in front that looked like a hurricane. I seriously think it was a foreshadow of what was to come! That child is either wide open or off, there is hardly ever an in between.

And just to prove he really did have a little hurricane swirl of hair I had to take a photo back then...

Ups and Downs

N (who I will now refer to on this blog as "Little Bit") and I had a great lunch today. I was feeling guilty that I had to pick him up from school only to drop him off at the child care place because I had a doctor's appointment. When I made the appointment I really thought M would be here but he had to travel two weeks in a row. Yuck. But anyway, I picked him up from school and he was so excited. He just chattered away and his teacher told me he talks the entire time he is there. Even between taking bites of food at snack time! How funny! He has changed so much in just two weeks. I can't get over it. I guess all the time he has just sat back while C (who I will refer to as "Hurricane") has talked all the time so now it is his turn.

So Little Bit and I went to Long John Silvers of all places. They just opened a new one where we live and I needed something quick that would capture his attention. Something like a new place we have never been. Go figure. He did great and had a ball watching the "huge" truck. He actually said that. "That truck is huge!" I was shocked but proud. He is finally talking!!!!!!!

Doctors appointment went well. Come to find out I have migraines that have more than likely led to daily headaches for various reasons. Have to track my headaches for the next three weeks when I then go back to see him to find out what else we will be doing to get rid of these. Oh it will be so, so nice to feel good again!

So I ran to pick up Hurricane (because I was late) and then we popped over to get Little Bit. They were so funny. When I was getting his coat on he said he wanted a lollipop. So while his was picking out his he said he wanted to get one for Hurricane. It was sweet. He took his time and figured out just what color Hurricane should have. So I get to the car and open the door and Hurricane says "Little Bit!" He was so excited to see his brother. Then they started having a conversation together and Little Bit gave him his lollipop to which he said "Thank you Little Bit." Oh did my heart melt!

So later in the evening Little Bit bit Hurricane. Something that has come back to rear it's ugly head around here. It was not pretty. Little Bit got sent to his room of course. But I think it really helped Hurricane to really see just how much biting hurts. He was usually the one doing the biting around here. Little Bit's new found freedom has made a lot of things change around here these days. But later, just before bedtime, Hurricane was walking by Little Bit and I was watching intensely because I just knew he was going to hit or push him. But no, he gave him a hug. Oh how sweet was that? I of course went on and on about how sweet that was of him and he walked over a few minutes later and gave him another hug and said "I love you." And Little Bit replied with "I love you." I seriously think that is the first time they have ever told each other they loved them. What a fantastic way for me to end my day!