The last several days have been full of opportunities for me to look back on things in life. Many different thing from my childhood to last week. It has been very interesting to me looking back on things while at this particular stage in life. I have changed so much these last few years especially, and it is kind of like looking at someone else's life at times. A very strange feeling to say the least.
Hmm, how far back to go I go this one? About 3-4 years ago I read a book that kind of started this entire shift in my life. Everything Matters, Nothing Matters by Gina Hillier truly was my turning point I so desperately needed. It's funny, the main thing I remember about this book at the moment is how it helped me learn to truly meditate. Oh, I had tried many times over to meditate, clear my mind, and let my thoughts go. Never worked. Not once. And at times I just fell asleep! But while reading this book it gave me a new way of looking at meditating and I was able to finally figure it out. Still amazes me how something so very simple has made such a profound impact on my life. I have pulled the book out again recently with the intention of reading it again soon. But as usual I have a huge stack of books I have found I want to read lately. My motto...you can never have too many books!
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Monday, February 24, 2014
Crazy days and Mondays always get me down...
Oh wait, isn't that supposed to be rainy days?
So very much is going on and I feel like my head is spinning most of the time. Thankfully at least this time it isn't literally like it has been in the past. Ha! Where to even begin? I guess I will just start where I am at this particular moment in time and take it from there.
Right now I am a little mad, frustrated, irritated, and even smug. Why? What are any of those emotions trying to teach me? That is what I am trying to figure out.
The day started off just fine for a Monday morning. Got the boys off to school with minimal craziness (at least for us), came home, got dressed, was actually getting things accomplished around the house and THEN....the phone rang. Yep, it was the school. I didn't even see it coming. How stupid could I be???? I should have saw this coming miles away!
I mentioned the whole fighting with the school thing. Well, they are obviously going to do everything in their power to keep things in check and also to prove their point. I get that. BUT, again I am back to not understanding this whole thing about me not being in the building. Ugh. Guess I will have to cover that in the next post. Because actually, this evening that isn't even what is really bothering me.
So, of course after that call, I go into Mama Bear mode and start really getting things crossed off my to do list. Good and bad from the afternoon was I found out a huge pile of paperwork I was attempting to complete was actually out of date and would have been useless, but bad is that I have to fill this paperwork out yet again...twice (one for each child). So, add that to my little frustration list for the moment.
Ok, this is what got me though. Why can't I just let this go and be happy? Here goes. My husband has been less than supportive on this whole journey with the kids and my own health issues. He is trying at least now, but this is what is getting to me. Yesterday he wanted to take the boys to this special needs soccer thing. Hey, I am all for it. I have tried several times in the past to get him to go and he never would. But this time, HE is the one who sought it out so of course we HAD to go do it. Ok, I am trying really hard to be supportive of his little steps he is taking.
But the real kicker for me is that everything since yesterday afternoon has revolved around him and this soccer thing yesterday. How much the boys loved it. He keeps asking the boys about it. Like asked Hurricane repeatedly if he showed off any of his new soccer moves at school today even though Hurricane didn't think twice about soccer today. I really want to support my husband and be happy he is finally trying to understand. Really. But the thing that pushed me over the edge tonight was after the boys went to bed. Husband made the comment that Hurricane was rather calm this evening. I said yes and mentioned how great he did this afternoon with Little Bit. How he even told Little Bit that they needed to talk out their problems. I was so proud of him. So Husband says, I wonder if the soccer had anything to do with his big change. WHAT???????? Seriously? I just wanted to make an extremely sarcastic remark about how yes, that must have been what they needed, to kick a soccer ball around for an hour with some other special needs kids. Now all their problems are solved and we will have the answer for world peace soon because of it. Ugh!
So how do I get past this? How do I make myself find what this is trying to teach me from this experience? Because right now, the steam coming from my ears is kind of making it a little hard to think logically.
So very much is going on and I feel like my head is spinning most of the time. Thankfully at least this time it isn't literally like it has been in the past. Ha! Where to even begin? I guess I will just start where I am at this particular moment in time and take it from there.
Right now I am a little mad, frustrated, irritated, and even smug. Why? What are any of those emotions trying to teach me? That is what I am trying to figure out.
The day started off just fine for a Monday morning. Got the boys off to school with minimal craziness (at least for us), came home, got dressed, was actually getting things accomplished around the house and THEN....the phone rang. Yep, it was the school. I didn't even see it coming. How stupid could I be???? I should have saw this coming miles away!
I mentioned the whole fighting with the school thing. Well, they are obviously going to do everything in their power to keep things in check and also to prove their point. I get that. BUT, again I am back to not understanding this whole thing about me not being in the building. Ugh. Guess I will have to cover that in the next post. Because actually, this evening that isn't even what is really bothering me.
So, of course after that call, I go into Mama Bear mode and start really getting things crossed off my to do list. Good and bad from the afternoon was I found out a huge pile of paperwork I was attempting to complete was actually out of date and would have been useless, but bad is that I have to fill this paperwork out yet again...twice (one for each child). So, add that to my little frustration list for the moment.
Ok, this is what got me though. Why can't I just let this go and be happy? Here goes. My husband has been less than supportive on this whole journey with the kids and my own health issues. He is trying at least now, but this is what is getting to me. Yesterday he wanted to take the boys to this special needs soccer thing. Hey, I am all for it. I have tried several times in the past to get him to go and he never would. But this time, HE is the one who sought it out so of course we HAD to go do it. Ok, I am trying really hard to be supportive of his little steps he is taking.
But the real kicker for me is that everything since yesterday afternoon has revolved around him and this soccer thing yesterday. How much the boys loved it. He keeps asking the boys about it. Like asked Hurricane repeatedly if he showed off any of his new soccer moves at school today even though Hurricane didn't think twice about soccer today. I really want to support my husband and be happy he is finally trying to understand. Really. But the thing that pushed me over the edge tonight was after the boys went to bed. Husband made the comment that Hurricane was rather calm this evening. I said yes and mentioned how great he did this afternoon with Little Bit. How he even told Little Bit that they needed to talk out their problems. I was so proud of him. So Husband says, I wonder if the soccer had anything to do with his big change. WHAT???????? Seriously? I just wanted to make an extremely sarcastic remark about how yes, that must have been what they needed, to kick a soccer ball around for an hour with some other special needs kids. Now all their problems are solved and we will have the answer for world peace soon because of it. Ugh!
So how do I get past this? How do I make myself find what this is trying to teach me from this experience? Because right now, the steam coming from my ears is kind of making it a little hard to think logically.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Snow days...
Where in the world did January go? Can't believe tomorrow is January 31st already! I have to admit the last 3 weeks got a little crazy. SOOOOOO much happened and I am not even sure where to begin. Or if I even want to begin. Ha! Part of me just wants to put it behind me and let it go, but I know that isn't going to be able to happen. All of it is still going on, just at a simmer at the moment.
Oh my, where to begin? I guess in an attempt to make a very long story as short as humanly possible...I am fighting with the school system. This won't be the first time here. As a matter of fact, I feel like from the moment we moved here and started attending the developmental preschool here it has been a fight. I have been so very patient. Or at least tried to. I have tried to be proactive with my children's needs and the school has fought me over every little tiny request. Seriously, even something as simple as an individual picture schedule for my children or velcro under their desk. Nope, couldn't make any "accommodations" for various reasons (excuses). Well, a few weeks ago they pushed this Mama a little too hard one time too many and I am fighting it. Now I am taking the legal road, first with an advocate and will get an attorney if I have to. So far though, the advocate route has gotten me further in a week and a half than I got in the last year and a half. Very sad to me that just the presence of someone sitting in a room makes such a huge difference!
I guess later I will get into the whole ordeal. Tonight I am just enjoying the last of our snow days and about to get ready for the boy's short day tomorrow (they have a delay still but are going for a few hours). And trust me, this Mama needs the quiet for a few hours tomorrow!
Oh my, where to begin? I guess in an attempt to make a very long story as short as humanly possible...I am fighting with the school system. This won't be the first time here. As a matter of fact, I feel like from the moment we moved here and started attending the developmental preschool here it has been a fight. I have been so very patient. Or at least tried to. I have tried to be proactive with my children's needs and the school has fought me over every little tiny request. Seriously, even something as simple as an individual picture schedule for my children or velcro under their desk. Nope, couldn't make any "accommodations" for various reasons (excuses). Well, a few weeks ago they pushed this Mama a little too hard one time too many and I am fighting it. Now I am taking the legal road, first with an advocate and will get an attorney if I have to. So far though, the advocate route has gotten me further in a week and a half than I got in the last year and a half. Very sad to me that just the presence of someone sitting in a room makes such a huge difference!
I guess later I will get into the whole ordeal. Tonight I am just enjoying the last of our snow days and about to get ready for the boy's short day tomorrow (they have a delay still but are going for a few hours). And trust me, this Mama needs the quiet for a few hours tomorrow!
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Getting back into the swing...
Yep, it's that time...time to get back into the swing of things after all the holiday craziness. To top it off, this year we are having some extremely cold temperatures so schools have been closed or delayed. Not good when you have child with Autism. Really not good.
Most children thrive on routine and predictability. But children with Autism must have this routine and predictability or their worlds seem to fall apart. And let me tell you from first hand experience...this is NOT a pretty sight.
To be honest, I have actually come to kind of dread the holidays. The change in routine, the visiting different places, all the people. All of these things create utter chaos for my children. Little Bit more so than Hurricane. But I am coming to realize Hurricane internalizes things WAY more than we realize. I'll have to post soon about my revelations over this past summer with him.
So, in an effort to make things a little more routine I have started creating different ways for them to do their homework. Not to mention what a HUGE struggle homework is in our house with Little Bit. And strangely enough it is also becoming one with Hurricane as well. Sigh. But I am one determined Mama so I WILL figure this out. And we WILL be successful at getting things done around here. WE WILL! So last night I stayed up making pages like this to try and get my kiddos to work on their sight words for school.
Most children thrive on routine and predictability. But children with Autism must have this routine and predictability or their worlds seem to fall apart. And let me tell you from first hand experience...this is NOT a pretty sight.
To be honest, I have actually come to kind of dread the holidays. The change in routine, the visiting different places, all the people. All of these things create utter chaos for my children. Little Bit more so than Hurricane. But I am coming to realize Hurricane internalizes things WAY more than we realize. I'll have to post soon about my revelations over this past summer with him.
So, in an effort to make things a little more routine I have started creating different ways for them to do their homework. Not to mention what a HUGE struggle homework is in our house with Little Bit. And strangely enough it is also becoming one with Hurricane as well. Sigh. But I am one determined Mama so I WILL figure this out. And we WILL be successful at getting things done around here. WE WILL! So last night I stayed up making pages like this to try and get my kiddos to work on their sight words for school.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Brrrr.....
It is only 9 degrees outside at the moment. Houses in the South were NOT made for this kind of weather! But it's just a few days so I won't complain. Just wish it would snow if it was going to be this cold. I really do miss Indiana.
For some reason I can't comment on my own blog from my phone. That kind of cracks me up for some reason. I have tried responding to several comments on the posts and I have no idea what happens to them. Must get on my actual computer soon and figure it out. Technology is a wonderful thing but can really be a pain in the rear at times!
Hope everyone stays warm and make sure to take care of the pets too and check on elderly neighbors, friends, etc. :)
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Rough day
Today was just one of those days. I wanted to spend more time hiding than anything else. The kids were loud, I was tired, just ready for the holidays to be over. Changes in routine are sooooo hard for Little Bit. I think Hurricane outwardly fares better, but they take a toll on him too. Just thankful today is coming to a close. I went in to read to Hurricane and tuck him in and this is how I found him.
Sleep well my little men. You are both so exhausted and need rest. Mommy does too!
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Out with the old...in with the new
I debated for some time as to if I was going to go back to my original blog (A Day with Twins) or just keep going with this one. After much consideration and hemming and hawing I decided it was best to go with this one. My life has changed so very much over the last several years and I felt this was the best path to take at the moment. Always go with the gut! That has truly been one thing I have learned the hard way these last several years.
So much has happened over the last seven years I am not entirely sure where to begin. And strangely enough, so very much has happened over the last three to four months to make sense of all the craziness that has taken place over the last seven years. Really over the last twenty-five years in some instances! But I think that is a story for another time. Right now it's time to start laying out my plans for the wonderful 2014 year ahead.
There are a few things I have truly missed these last several years in particular. When I sat back and started figuring out just what was missing in my life, I noticed a recurring theme. Creativity. I miss all things creative in my life. My scrapbooking, my blog, sewing, projects around the house, making things for my kids. So this year is about getting back into my creative self and enjoying life and all it has to offer.
So much has happened over the last seven years I am not entirely sure where to begin. And strangely enough, so very much has happened over the last three to four months to make sense of all the craziness that has taken place over the last seven years. Really over the last twenty-five years in some instances! But I think that is a story for another time. Right now it's time to start laying out my plans for the wonderful 2014 year ahead.
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